dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
