And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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