This dress was meant to end up on your floor
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
