Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
