Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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