I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
