had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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