My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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