Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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