at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
