Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
