we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
