i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
