Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
