Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
