he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
