dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
