I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
