Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
