When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
