Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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