So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
