No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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