I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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