i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize