I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
