the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
