i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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