So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize