We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
