I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
