Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
