That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
