things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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