I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
