my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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