Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
