am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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