I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
