Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
