Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Too much gin, very little bucket
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
