Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
