Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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