Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
