just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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