We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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