you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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