based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
