I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
