she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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