I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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