i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
