i was born a porn star she said
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
