Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
