How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
