Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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