That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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