My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
