ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
