I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize