This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
